Sunday, 16 March 2014

Auditory Processing Disorder

Until 6 years, or so, ago I never knew Auditory Processing Disorder (APD) existed.
I was diagnosed after to going for a hearing test. My youngest son was diagnosed with it, following thorough testing, a few years later.
In hindsight, I have had it all my life but never had a name for it.
The good news it isn't life threatening*.
But it makes a big difference in lots of little ways.

So what is it?
Well as the NHS says ( ) it is a hearing and listening problem.
To put it in simple terms, it is the inability to process sounds normally. The range of frequency effected includes the human voice - typical eh? The ways it manifests itself is summed up in this list:
I can tick all these.
The condition can make you seem stupid ("can't remember simple instructions , "always needs things repeating", "how can he have misunderstood that) and it leads to mistakes and misunderstandings .
It can also mean that people think you ignorant or that you just weren't listening.

Now don't get me wrong, sometimes I don't listen to people - I'm no angel - but when I do and people think I don't it bugs me.

I also find that, when my APD causes an issue (even a small one) then when I say to people "I'm sorry, but you know I have this hearing thing" they look at you like you're making an excuse.

I don't want to have this wrong with me, neither does my son, but we do.

For all the crap side of it, it leads to some genuinely funny moments.
The things I think people say, when I question it with them, often makes them and me smile.
Conversations between my son and I are often full of misheard words leading to laughter.

It is a disability, it's invisible, and some people probably think I just need to pay more attention but hey ho, what can you do.

* it's not life threatening unless you don't hear someone shouting "mind that bus" or "don't press that button". ;)

Monday, 3 March 2014

A conclusion

I have spent a large amount of the last 24 years of my life reading about, looking up and looking into different religions, their view points, origins, similarities and differences. 
All of this has been rooted, to some degree, in trying to find something that I can stand before myself in the mirror and declare "I believe this...".
The thing is, I have never found that something.
Well not in anything I have ever found written down or spoken apart from one thing.
That one thing is the quote by Marcus Aurelius, Stoic philosopher and Roman Emperor during the 1st century CE.:

"Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by.  If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them.  If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones. I am not afraid." 

That pretty much sums it up for me. I've tried to find "more" than that but for me there doesn't seem to anything more than than to it.

So I'm going to stop searching and get on with living.