Tuesday, 22 June 2010

Being cast aside....................

There are times in life when we are, to use a phrase, cast aside.
This can be from a relationship, from a project, from a job or from a team of any kind. In a way it's natural, as all things change, but that doesn't stop it hurting.

We all, in our own ways, like to feel needed and productive. To find yourself in a position when those for whom you were being productive, and who were in return fulfilling the feeling of need, decide you are no longer needed can be quite a shock - even when it's been on the cards for a while.
Those words, that email or conversation, that makes it final can come like a silver bullet to the heart. You may have watched them load the gun, take aim and studied them pull the trigger but it hits you the same as if you'd never seen it coming.

That impact stirs up feelings of depression, anger, frustration and apathy amongst many others, it can leave one feeling aimless and adrift. A horrible situation for anyone.

I find myself in this situation today, following some news yesterday.
I won't go into details here because it would not be appropriate, but what I am going to do is tell you how I'm coping and what I intend to do about it.

Now I'm not saying that I am handling this perfectly but it's working for me and it might work for you too should, gods forbid, you end up in a similar situation.

I'm giving the feelings stirred up by the news their air. I'm allowing myself to feel them to their full whilst remembering that it's normal to feel angry, frustrated, sad and apathetic at a time like this.
But most importantly I am allowing myself to be happy.
When things take a turn for the worst it is all too easy to allow the negative event to stain all things in your life and to blot out the joy in things.
I'm allowing myself to smile and laugh when something amuses me, I'm still enjoying listening to music & watching my favourite TV programs despite the fact I could easily curl up into a ball of self pity and do none of these things.
To put it simply I am trying to maintain a realistic, philosophical view of things.

So that's how I'm coping, now what am I going to do about it?

Well the first step is to remember that just because "Group A" no longer deems you "good" enough doesn't mean that "Group B", " Group 1" or "Group Yellow" don't think you're good enough. It's group A's loss not yours, and in time a group that does think you're good enough will come along and you will thrive within the new circumstances. :)

The next step is remember that change is constant and the flux it creates is not always easy to handle. This does not make you weak, just a human being. :)

The final step is, once you feel ready (which I do as my situation was not unforeseen), to get out there and take action.
Now in a professional capacity this can mean getting your CV back out there on the job sites, in a emotional capacity it can be the act of beginning to interact with other people in an open way again and in a team or group capacity it is starting to look for other groups/teams to join.

Change favours the prepared mind. Even when taken by surprise we can prepare, adapt and overcome with greater ease than we think we're capable of.

So should you find yourself cast aside then stay positive (believe me, I know it's easier said then done) and help yourself.........and most importantly remember to allow yourself to be happy no matter how bad things get, you don't have to be a Cheshire Cat 24hrs a day but a little bit of happy time (calm you minds readers, there's no euphemism here.lol) can make a massive difference.

Take care out there, be nice to yourself and other people.

Rok On.

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