Life is like trying to herd cats.........

Depression: the lurker in the shadows.

2011-12-11T12:08:00.001-08:00

I write this whilst off sick from work (thanks to a respritory infection exploiting the damage done years ago by pluerisy) and emerging from a very dark place.

I find that, at times like this, this is when depression steps forward from the shadows where it lurks and gets you at your weakest.
And boy has it had me.
By the start of this weekend my self esteem had evaporated, my outlook on the world was beyond grim, positivity could not be found and I felt a total failure.
That's right, a failure. How ridiculous, in hindsight, is it to feel a failure for something you have absolutely no control over!
But that is how I felt.
I'm lucky though.
I have a wonderful wife, great sons, a supportive family, fab friends, a supportive employer and the tools that the NHS have given me to help get through it.
Make no mistake, without my wife I'd still be in a very, very dark place.
I'm eternally thankful for her love and support and it makes me feel for those without their own pillar of support and love.
So how about now?
Well I'm still unwell, but on the mend, and I'm still in a grim place, but I'm heading out towards the light once more.

There is always hope, the dawn always follows even the darkest of nights and things do get better. :)

The time is now!

2011-11-27T13:14:00.001-08:00

The tragic death of Gary Speed, like Terry Newton and thousands of other people, has once again brought mental health to the fore.

Now I have long been quite a low key advocate for talking about Mental Health and fighting the stigma that exists around it. Those that know me, know that I am happy to talk about my own mental health conditions and how we can change the way that mental health is dealt within society.
I believe that via education we can make a massive positive difference to the world.

Today's news has made my mind up to try and make more of a difference.

At this point I'd like to say that I live with OCD and Anxiety and fight an on/off battle with depression. I am by no means perfect and I have my bad days as well as my good.
I have no qualifications other than having lived with this for most of my life.

I am willing to stand in front of any size group of people and talk about my experiences and share what I have learned in therapy, in the form of tools, that may help them.

If I can help with something you are planning then drop me a line.

I'm going to try and blog some more about mental health related stuff and will end this with one thing.......

There is ALWAYS hope, talk to someone (anyone) and please don't give up.

Lost Generation? Hell no!

2011-11-16T14:55:00.001-08:00

Why oh why have the media started labelling the young unemployed as the lost generation?
Talk about kicking them when they are down.

But more to the point it's not true.

We should be telling and showing them that a tough start does not mean the end of everything. If anything it will make you stronger and prove to future employers that you never gave up.
Yes it's crap, and I am not trying to say that there is any spiritual wealth in hardship and poverty, but the sooner that you realise the life is often going to be crap the happier you will be in the long run ( sounds crackers but it's true believe me).

So if you are young (or not) and struggling to find work then don't give up, never give up because it will come good in the end no matter how unlikely it may seem right now.

R.T.F.O

\m/

A quick post to freshen up the page

2011-11-15T11:47:00.001-08:00

Hello dear reader,

I just wanted to quash rumours of my demise with a quick post.

The world at the moment fills me with both joy and despair in equal measure and I can feel my writing mojo returning so expect more updates soon.

Rock on and take care out there :)

\m/

My thoughts on the French ruling on veils

2011-04-12T13:53:00.000-07:00

What I feel is wrong with France's decision to ban on Muslim women wearing viels is that it is a blow against individual and religious freedom.

As a person who relys on lip reading in noisey enviroment and as someone who is not Islamic, I may find the wearing of the veil inconvenient and the motives behind it hard to reconcile but I can respect the right of someone to wear one, especially if it is not preventing them for carrying out a particular function (for example, not obstructing the field of vision when driving).

Now I'm not French either, and therefore the arguement could be raised that it's none of my business. Fair point, but it does raise important questions for people outside of France.
The law further adds fuel to the fire of extremeists across the world.
Islmaic extremeists will quote France's law as an example of the "West's" intollerance of the Islamic faith.
Far Right Extremeists will quote France's law as an example of how their country should be run.
It further polarises the extremes of this argument and makes the middle ground harder to find.

The last government to actively, negatively, target a particular religious group in it's law making was the German government of the 1930's.

Make no mistake this is a step on a very dangerous road.

As someone who likes to have the freedom to decide what to believe and what I wear that denotes my beliefs without the fear of official pressure to dress in way that is deemed correct.

If you think that what the French Government has done is a good thing then consider this:

I wear a pentagram, a charm of a dragon and several beaded wristbands. These are often combined with T-shirts that are of a nature that the more conservative members of society may deem unsuitable.
These things display both my beliefs and my freedom to express myself.
All these things could be deemed as preventing me from integrating into society if the people making that decision wanted to a society of button down, suit wearing conformists who attend a christian church on a weekly basis.

And if you're secular rather than spiritaul think of it like this:
How would you feel if you were told that wearing replica football shirts was to be banned because it emphasises the divisions in society?
or
How would you feel if you were told that wearing your hair down in public was no longer appropriate because it contravened a state ruling on decency?

You might think that my examples are far fetched. I disagree.

Rather than alienating Islamic women that choose to wear the viel can the state not alternatively raise it's concerns and maybe pass a law saying that, where there is good cause, a Muslim woman wearing a viel must reveal her face to a government official to confirm her identity?

If there is really an issue with the viel causing rifts in society then surely it is better to broker a compromise and educate both sides of the argument to help them understand the issues that each have.

I can't help but think that no good will come of this.

And if you don't think it's your problem then read this and think it over.

A pagan's perspective on recent news events - Spring 2011

2011-03-29T06:28:00.000-07:00

I hope that you all had a good solstice and that the arrival of spring has helped raise you spirits after what has been a cold winter.
Since my last look at the news, in the Winter issue of the Incantation E-zine, the world is no less odd, worrying, scary, amazing, wonderful and cool and it certainly has lost none of its magic.

I'm going to kick off by passing on my sincerest best wishes to the survivors of the events around the Pacific, particularly in Japan, and my deepest condolences to anyone who lost someone in those events.
Once again nature showed contempt for mankind's advances and architecture.
I do not believe that any religion can offer any explanation for events such as this and those who offer such explanations deserve everything they get. Strangely enough I'm not going to offer any such explanations - ever.
It really does reveal the very fragile nature of our existence, whilst at the same time revealing the strength of
the human heart, our will to survive and our resourcefulness.
In amongst all the sorrow and bad news the reports of survivors being found in amongst the rubble and wreckage bring some relieve and, in my opinion, bare out the old saying "where there's life, there's hope".

So from natural chaos to man made chaos.

Across the Middle East and North Africa dictators and their regimes are being displaced and challenged. Whilst, in a lot of ways, this is can be a good thing (and I'm not about to start campaigning in some pro-dictatorship way) with it comes uncertainty and fear for many, many people. Not only is every day life disrupted but also their futures must seem very uncertain and, as someone from a stable country, it's hard to imagine how it feels to live through that kind of event. Quite why these despots are surprised that the masses that have been so deprived of so many basic things whilst they live in riches is beyond me, after all history presents us with plenty of examples, but then again I'm not some egocentric, power hungry nutcase surrounded by yes-men.
That may have something to do with it.

And then there's Gadafi.

Now here is a perfect example of power corrupting. Colonel Gadafi has been incharge of Libiya for a long, long time. In fact some would say for too long.
In my opinion, this guy is not just mad, he's A-grade insane.
He's as crazy as 6 rainforest's worth of hallucinogenic toads, all gathered together in one place, fed LSD and then forced to watch a 48 hour marathon of Jamie and the Magic Tourch with their eyes taped open!
It takes a special kind of nuts to deny what is going on outside your window.
I just hope that the men and women who are now involved opposing Gadafi remember the words of Obi Wan Kenobi in Star Wars, "if you strike me down I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine".
A man is hard to defeat, the idolisation afforded to a martyr is even harder.

So what is happening here on this fair isle of Albion?

Well the ConLib, or LibCon (I never remember which way round that should be), government continue to make cuts to the essential services in this country. It is interesting that they expect many public sector workers to take pay cuts in the near future but there has been no indication that the members of the government will be doing so.

What ever happened to not asking someone to do something that you would not do yourself?

Politicians would get a lot more respect from people if they shared the burden that they do rather than making these decisions whilst still living the high life - they may not be on footballers wages but it's not a bad life that is for sure.
And don't even get me started on overpaid sportsmen.
The recession is certainly biting but they seem to think that, by making everything more expensive (don't even get me started on the cost of fuel) that people are going to spend more money. My friends and I are all having to cut our cloth accordingly these days and it actually results in less money being spent across the board because impulse spending drops per person.
Now I am not an economist by any stretch of the imagination but the whole system seems counter intuitive.
It almost feels like a system that someone made complicated, whilst showing how clever he was, is now running itself and that the people involved are too scared to admit that it doesn't work and therefore just allow it to force them to make ridiculous choices.
I admit I could have that wrong but that's how it feels to me.

The cut backs that are taking place in this country will leave some of the most vulnerable peole in society unsupported. One group of people that are particularly close to my heart are those in need of the help of the Mental Health services. Waiting lists are long enough to get some of the much needed life saving help that these services offer and they are only going to get worse.
I wish the politicians, bankers and those that get rich from their actions realise that the mess they have made is going to cost peoples lives.
But I have a feeling they won't.

The actions and motives of the ConLib government hark back strongly to origins of modern British society. That has it's origins in the order established by William the Bastard in 1066.
1066 was the year that everything changed on this fair isle.
Prior to the arrival of the Normans in England the rulers of this country had a strong link to their subjects, there was a social order but is was an inclusive one rather than an exclusive one.
Their society, whilst Christian in name was based soundly in the traditions of their pagan ancestors.
Whilst there was undoubtably "have's" and "have not's" in that society, those that had honoured the obligation to look after those around and beneath them.
There was less detachment between the populace and those that governed them.
When William conquered this country he installed his social order, with it's strong links to the roman church, and his knights as the ruling class of this country and thus began the exclusive class system that still exists to day.
I'm no communist but a society that prospers together should also work through the tough times together and currently it feels like the well off in this country are expecting those "beneath" them in the social order to take the brunt of the hit.
I feel that that is wrong.

On a more postive note, despite the tough financial climate, this years Comic Relief raised a phenomenal
amount of money to help those in need in Great Britain and across Africa, which goes to show that the spirit of giving is alive in well in the hearts of society.
A society that is often portrayed as being insular and uncaring.
A brilliant example of this spirit of giving is Jack Henderson.
His brother, Noah, has been in the Children's Hospital in Edinburgh a lot and Jack wanted to raise money for them as a thank you. His web developer dad set up a website offering people a chance to request Jack to draw them something and for which they would make a donation.
Despite originally being intended for Friends and family , and having a target of £100, the site has proved amazingly popular and has already raised over £3,000 pounds!
The link to site is http://jackdrawsanything.com/

Just goes to show that one small lad has a great idea and, with the support of a family member, is making a real difference.

Giving is something that was certainly at the heart of pagan society. In Heathen society giving, and receiving, gifts was an important thing. It is something that, if we all practiced it, would certainly make the world a better place.
Life is, after all, about what you give not just about what you get.

And now this is written, I'm going to take part in what is possibly the most exciting event of the year for people who love filling excessively long documents in. Yep that's right, more confusing than a self assessment tax return, I give you, the 2011 UK Census.

Happy form filling my friends.

No title, just thoughts

2011-03-15T16:12:00.000-07:00

First and foremost I want to send my condolences to all those who have lost loved ones, relatives, homes, life's worth of possessions or their life in the recent earthquakes and tsunamis in and around the Pacific in recent weeks.
I cannot imagine what it must be like to go through that kind of event.

Secondly I just want to put on record the fact that I for one do not believe that the recent events are the beginning of the end of the world.
Not that brave a statement, as if the world is beginning to end then domestic electricity is going to go pretty high up in the order of things and therefore what I type here won't matter one bit because no bugger will ever read it.
But I honestly think that we as human beings can survive most things, after all our ancestors lived through ice ages and other such events.

I'm not saying that the events of the last few weeks are not serious because they are more serious than words can ever begin to express.
What I am saying is that I do not consider them any kind of divine message nor heralding of some sort of "end times".

Humanity can be smart.
We can be strong.
We can survive.
We can adapt.

To allow my own spiritual feelings to creep into what has otherwise been quite a secular post, I would like to say that the teachings of the Wyrd show us that life twists and turns and to be able to adjust to the events around you is a great advantage.
Rather than dreading tomorrow, try living for it.

To all those effected by recent events, directly and indirectly, I wish you all the very best.

\m/

The rub of things - part 2

2010-12-07T13:14:00.000-08:00

When I posted last night I never intended there to be a part 2.
I was sure.
I felt I had to do it.
I felt I had to do it to stop my anxiety.

I was wrong.
I was the anxiety that drove that post, not my true intent.
My anxiety was driven by my OCD.

It's happened before, and it may happen again.
The difference?
That now when it happens I can, within 23-48hrs, spot that it has happened and correct my mistakes.
I can tell, in retrospect, what it my OCD and what is my anxiety driven reactionism, where I've lurched from one extreme to another.
One day I WILL be able to to spot it as it happens and prevent nights like last night's events ever happening in the first place.

Until that day all I can do is ask for your understanding, dear reader.

Despite what I wrote last night I will not be turning my back on writing about what I care about and what I believe.

The thought occurred to me today - why would I stop doing something that I enjoy?

So please bear with me whilst I resume "normal" service.

\m/

The rub of things.

2010-12-06T15:12:00.000-08:00

This blog post has been coming for a while.
I'm not really sure how to put this into words but I'll do my best.

Basically, due to on of the forms that my OCD can take (called Scrupulosity) I am going to have to take a step back from writing about religious things. I know that this blog has never been overly religious but I have discussed Pagan issues and topics on here because they are something I care about. Unfortunately I have found writing about them has caused me problems that I could not have predicted, and I am going to have to change the direction of my writing for my own benefit.

I want to make it clear that my personal spiritually-agnostic-pagan-mish-mash of beliefs have not and will not change.

I want to apologise to anyone who feels let down by this, it is not my intent to disappoint you and I hope you can understand why I must take this open ended hiatus.

I will continue to post here - the topics will still be those that matter to me and spirituality will still feature when it feels right.

\m/

Dragons?

2010-12-05T14:32:00.000-08:00

So my weekend has featured dragons quite heavily and it has led to me thinking about the "reality" of the subject.

For a creature that is regarded as being very much a mythical creature by most accepted wisdom it is strange the dragons crop up in a wide number of disparate cultures who had no real links to each other and yet all cast a similar image of the creatures themselves. For a long time I have thought that this could point to the existence of dragons, in some form, during the early years of human kinds experiences.
Whether these creatures were all the size of the giant creatures described in certain northern European legends or the ones of the Far Eastern origin , or in fact if they existed in a variety of sizes (which to me would seem likely) it seems clear to me that such creatures existed at some point.

Now I know that at this point it is worth giving a nod to accepted thinking and say that if they had existed then we would have found archaeological proof that they did.
In a way I agree but then again that argument is slightly flawed. Most fossil evidence belongs to the prehistoric era of the earths existence and there is no reason to think that the "dragons" existed after that period and that their remains (presuming they didn't have some strange instinctive behavior that drove them out to see to die) have been lost to archeology by simply being in places remote enough or inaccessible enough to be dug.
I could go into great detail on why we have not got a bone record of a dragon but that is for another time and place.

What I'd like to talk about is that the fact that there creatures exist in a lot of cultural histories, bearing very similar descriptions and yet entered into "mythology" during the modern age. There can be no doubt that the influence of the monotheistic religions on Western European cultures where the creatures and stories of the prior cultures were discredited and turned into metaphors for other things, after all a creature such as a dragon will have been symbolic to those who knew of them yet do not fit in with monotheistic thinking (although the book of Revelations does make mention of dragons) and would therefore become the thing of imagination and therefore easily discredited and demonized.
There is no doubt that the dragon had massive influence in the "old" world. The Chinese have a year in their calendar dedicated to the Dragon and images of the creature have survived the years and are used across the world. It is a creature of spiritual significance, even to this day, and holds a place in the heart of many a good story teller. It represents the strength of the natural world and a reminder that man is not as all conquering and invincible as he might feel.

Personally, I can see no reason to believe that dragons existed (in many shapes and sizes), we may never have "proof" other than the tales of old.

Here be dragons?

Why not?

\m/

My initial musing on Tarot

2010-11-29T14:57:00.000-08:00

As those who follow me on Twitter may know, I invested in two tarot decks, and following many months of tinkering, thinking and mulling things over I thought that I'd share my feelings at this point in my dealings with the cards.

It is worth mentioning at this point that my interest in divination began many, many years ago and developed as I discovered the runes of the Elder Futhark.
I approach divination in the following way. The past is woven and tied off, the present is being woven as we speak and the future has yet to fully take shape. Knowing that every single thing in the universe is tied to every other thing in the universe, knowing that cause and effect exists, and that it is impossible to predict with 100% certainty the events of the next hour nevermind the next year I still believe that it is possible to combine all the possible eventualities to come to a reasonably firm idea of what could be.
What could be.
That's the bit that is most important to be.

I believe that no process of divination can give you concrete results. What it can do is suggest possibilites, hint at the end that your current course of actions may lead you and help you realise what you already know but hadn't "twigged".
It's an inward glance.

So then back to my tarot experience.

At first I bought a Rider-Waite deck. Though the deck is beautiful I didn't connect with it (although I still have it and am allowing it to "absorb" my magic of my family before I re-visit it in the future.
It is a very monthiestic deck and not really in keeping with my view of the world.

My next deck was the Sacred Circle deck.
This deck is themed around the polytheistic views of the ancient British celtic cultures.
I like this deck. I feel comfortable working with it (though I only read for myself) and can feel a connection with it (most probably because it doesn't clash with my world view).
The deck in itself is really nicely illustrated using a mix of both photographs, paintings and computer artwork.
The creators have spent time capturing the intended meanings of each card in the image and those looking to use the cards as an aid to meditation would find a lot of joy with these cards.

So I suppose the question is, would I reach for those or my stones?

I have to say that having had my rune stones for over 15years they are always going to be my go to's but I'm going to persevere with the cards.

After all it matters not what you use (books, stones, card or whatever) you're connecting to the same source, it's just a matter of finding what works for you.

\m/

Paganism as a recognised religion

2010-11-28T14:50:00.000-08:00

There has been a lot of talk in the press in the last few months, particularly in one of Britain's more right wing mainstream publications, about the rights and wrongs of Paganism being recognized officially by a religion in the UK.
Now when taking on this topic it is very, very easy to get drawn into making rhetoric, biased and , in the case of the Daily Fail, down right hate filled statement making.
I'm going to avoid going down that route.

What I would like to say is that there is no reason for it not to be.
I will go as far as saying that there is no reason for anyone's religious beliefs not to be accepted and recognized.

If we accept that we live in a country that accepts an individuals right to believe what they want - which we do (and long may that continue) - then how can anyone say that anyone religious belief is any more valid than another. After all once you remove your own personal religious views out of the decision making progress then you have no choice but to accept the views of others as being valid.

Devout people, be they monothiest, polythiest, agnostic or athiest, will all hold opinions about what is valid and what is not, and some religions, and the individuals that belong to them, are more tolerant of beliefs that fall outside theirs than others, but the way to look at is it this:

If I were a Catholic then how would I like it were someone belonging to another faith were trying to belittle my religious beliefs by saying it wasn't really a religion and should not be recognized?
The answer is, of course, I would not like it.
Now then, this being the case, what would give me the right to do just that to others?

When people talk about a modern civilization being "formed" or "based" upon one particular religion and it's practices then they are wildly incorrect, especially when you consider the United Kingdom.
Whilst it is true to say that since 500ad, or so, that the country has been officially a Christian one, it is not true to say that the rules, laws and practices of this union of countries were based purely on biblical teachings.
The foundations of our laws, cultures and practices can be found to originate in Pagan Britian. The Church, be it the Catholic one or the Protestant one, never managed to fully Christianize this fair isle and remove the elements that preceded it.
You cannot claim that any one religion is responsible for the moral foundations of a group of people that existed prior to the creation of the religion.
A quick check of a decent history book will show how flawed that approach is.

Now getting back to my original point, to be fair to everyone, of all faiths, then we should scrap the list of "recognized" religions and adopt an approach of complete and total tolerance and acknowledgement.

If something rings true in your heart and soul to the point where you will stand tall and announce it to another then it should be recognized and respected by all.Simple as that.

\m/

When my OCD attacks......

2010-11-20T08:46:00.000-08:00

As some of you may know, I've been quite under the weather in the last few days. This has meant me being off work and having time on my hands but unable to do what I normally would because I've been leveled.

As someone with a history of OCD I know that time like this can be dangerous.
I've found, over time, that time such as this are when I am most likely to have any lapses in my mental health.
My idle mind does wander, not always to negative places but wander it does.
I always get big feelings of redundancy, insecurity and depression when I'm not physically well, and unfortunately this time was no different.
These feelings can lead me to fall back into my "old ways" and not always make decisions that are conducive to my good mental health. (Believe me, there's been a lot of lists written and checks made over the last few days).
This had lead to a few dark days.

Fortunately for me, I have the tools to deal with this. Thanks to the help of my therapists in the past and the skills I learned in group therapy I can handle my dark days, perhaps more retrospectively than I would choose, and get myself back on track.

Along with those things, the love and support of my family and friends has once again been invaluable and I cannot thank you all enough.

The are of chilling out

2010-10-02T01:32:00.000-07:00

My good friend Matt Charlton's blog post has got me thinking, how many different ways do people have to relax?

The answer is - many. There are probably as many different ways that people use to relax as there are different people.
Some people meditate in isolation, others use candles and incense to aid the technique. I have friends that relax by playing games ( both computer and tabletop), by playing sport or by talking with others. I know those who relax with a pint or two or even a "herbal" cigarette. In fact having thought about it for a few minutes I struck me that there rarely do two people relax using exactly the same methods.

So how do I relax?
Well it depends on what kind of "stress" I feel I'm trying to release. Sometimes it's a walk somewhere quiet where the noise and hassle of life can be aloud to be taken by the wind as I make my way along my route. When I feel that I have had no time, I find just being able to sit in the company of my wife and kids soon aid me releasing that tension. Also a quiet pint and a chat with a good friend (or a few good friends) is an excellent way to achieve the same goal.
Other times it's by listening to some music, an activity that I have always found very life affirming.
I can also de-stress by playing with tech and games, for that is also part of who I am and you can't beat a bit of time indulging your inner-geek (ok, with me it's more a case of all-over-geek) and reminding yourself just how cool tech can be.
And that's not mentioning my more spiritual activities, my love of reading and, of course, my writing, all of which can bring that chilled out feeling we all sometimes need.

When I was asked by my oldest son, a few years ago, what he should do if he wanted to relax my reply was "whatever you want to do". I believe that stress is often caused by the fact we often have to do things we don't want to do, therefore spending even the smallest amount of time doing what you want to do is the perfect antidote.

I hope you all have a chance, every day of your lives, to do something that you want to do. I'm lucky I have a job that I love doing and also have a life that allows me to do many of the things I want to.
If you want to be in the same situation, then make it so, we are the masters of our own souls and can shape our lives (with a little hard work) to reflect what we want rather than what we don't.

Be well and remember to chill a little.

\m/

My thoughts on the 9th Anniversary of 9/11.

2010-09-10T23:43:00.001-07:00

On the 9th anniversary my thoughts are with all the following groups of people:

1) Those people (tourists, business people&workers) who were in the Word Trade Center and lost their lives that day because of th acts of deranged men.

2) Every single person, whether law enforcement, fire crew, paramedic or citizen, who lost their life that day trying to help someone else whilst chaos ensued around them.

3) All the people who, though they survived that day, had their lives changed forever. Those people who lost someone or were hurt (physically or mentally) that day, those people who have carried their first hand experience of what happened that day with them since and who will continue to do so for the rest of their life.

4) Everyone who's life has been changed directly because of that day. Amongst these people is every soldier that has lost their life fighting in the conflicts that have come about as a result of that day.

This final group contains every single one of us. The ripple effect of that day has been felt by everyone across the world in one way or another. The governmental policies that play on the fear inspired by that day have effected us all and will continue to do so.

I have no political axe to grind here nor religious dogma to preach.

I simple want to pay my respects to all effected that day.

Why the EDL should worry you.......

2010-08-24T14:04:00.000-07:00

I don't care where you are from, to which religious group you belong to or what the colour of your skin is - the EDL should worry you.

Before you read on, you might want to watch this: http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/video/2010/may/28/english-defence-league-uncovered

The Nationalist Socialist Party started in very much the same way back in Germany in the 1920's, you may know them better as the Nazi party.

They were a group of violent, bigoted, racist bullies just like the EDL are.
They were involved in street violence with opposing fractions from the centre and the left wing, just like the EDL are.
They blamed one particular branch of society for their country's ills, just like the EDL do.

The EDL exploit our precious freedom of speech to spread the same sort of hateful rhetoric that the Nazi's spread at their rallys back then.

If we let them grow unopposed then we could end up suffering the same fate as Germany did.
If we let ourselves be convinced that they are different and that they have the answers then we are dooming our great country to a fate worse than death.
If we let our remain unaware of the the threat that extremeist groups like the EDL pose then we are dooming the future to the same fate.

I am not a left-wing activist.
I believe that the right wing and the left wing of the political spectrum can be, and often are, as bad as each other.
I do not claim to have a more valid religious view than anyone else.
I am a centralist (if that is what you would call me) I believe a fair, all encompassing society is possible and is desireable, and that it is our right as human beings to live in such a society.

When I say that the EDL, and their like, should be opposed I do not mean with violence, because that panders to their whims. We should oppose them with the truth, with our distaste, with our destain and with the facts.
The facts that show that all human beings are equal and we all have the right to live where ever in the world we choose.

And, as a closing note, if you think that they're threat is not to you and yours then I'd advise you to read the following by Pastor Martin Niemöller :

"THEY CAME FIRST for the Communists,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist.

THEN THEY CAME for the trade unionists,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist.

THEN THEY CAME for the Jews,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew.

THEN THEY CAME for me
and by that time no one was left to speak up."

Think about it, please.

New beginnings

2010-07-30T10:37:00.000-07:00

On Monday the 2nd of August I start a new chapter of my professional life. If you would like to know more about my new employer follow this link, the feeling I have had since the first time I walked in there is so positive and I can't wait to start. :)

This post is not so much about who I will be working for, or even about my personal situation. What it is about is how positive things can be born out of negative situations.

I bet if you think back into your past you can find an example of what I'm on about. A time when things just seemed to be going wrong, not making sense and seemingly heading nowhere but down. But then, something can happen to change everything around. This something can be large or small, ranging from a life changing gesture of a friend, getting a new job or opportunity to do something you really want to do or a smile from a friendly stranger.
The one thing that is common throughout is that the something can only be what it is because of the negative situation you were in before. Whether the something seems like a direct result of the negative or a coincidence, it can only be the positive thing it is because of what went before.

I have experienced this many times in my life, in the past I didn't see the pattern but these days I do (though when I'm down I might not always acknowledge the cycle at work) and I'm grateful for my insight.

So next time life is getting you down and bad things are the only things that keep happening remember that they will result in something better, it may take hindsight to reveal it but it will be there.

Take care & rock on!
\m/

Being cast aside....................

2010-06-22T14:17:00.000-07:00

There are times in life when we are, to use a phrase, cast aside.
This can be from a relationship, from a project, from a job or from a team of any kind. In a way it's natural, as all things change, but that doesn't stop it hurting.

We all, in our own ways, like to feel needed and productive. To find yourself in a position when those for whom you were being productive, and who were in return fulfilling the feeling of need, decide you are no longer needed can be quite a shock - even when it's been on the cards for a while.
Those words, that email or conversation, that makes it final can come like a silver bullet to the heart. You may have watched them load the gun, take aim and studied them pull the trigger but it hits you the same as if you'd never seen it coming.

That impact stirs up feelings of depression, anger, frustration and apathy amongst many others, it can leave one feeling aimless and adrift. A horrible situation for anyone.

I find myself in this situation today, following some news yesterday.
I won't go into details here because it would not be appropriate, but what I am going to do is tell you how I'm coping and what I intend to do about it.

Now I'm not saying that I am handling this perfectly but it's working for me and it might work for you too should, gods forbid, you end up in a similar situation.

I'm giving the feelings stirred up by the news their air. I'm allowing myself to feel them to their full whilst remembering that it's normal to feel angry, frustrated, sad and apathetic at a time like this.
But most importantly I am allowing myself to be happy.
When things take a turn for the worst it is all too easy to allow the negative event to stain all things in your life and to blot out the joy in things.
I'm allowing myself to smile and laugh when something amuses me, I'm still enjoying listening to music & watching my favourite TV programs despite the fact I could easily curl up into a ball of self pity and do none of these things.
To put it simply I am trying to maintain a realistic, philosophical view of things.

So that's how I'm coping, now what am I going to do about it?

Well the first step is to remember that just because "Group A" no longer deems you "good" enough doesn't mean that "Group B", " Group 1" or "Group Yellow" don't think you're good enough. It's group A's loss not yours, and in time a group that does think you're good enough will come along and you will thrive within the new circumstances. :)

The next step is remember that change is constant and the flux it creates is not always easy to handle. This does not make you weak, just a human being. :)

The final step is, once you feel ready (which I do as my situation was not unforeseen), to get out there and take action.
Now in a professional capacity this can mean getting your CV back out there on the job sites, in a emotional capacity it can be the act of beginning to interact with other people in an open way again and in a team or group capacity it is starting to look for other groups/teams to join.

Change favours the prepared mind. Even when taken by surprise we can prepare, adapt and overcome with greater ease than we think we're capable of.

So should you find yourself cast aside then stay positive (believe me, I know it's easier said then done) and help yourself.........and most importantly remember to allow yourself to be happy no matter how bad things get, you don't have to be a Cheshire Cat 24hrs a day but a little bit of happy time (calm you minds readers, there's no euphemism here.lol) can make a massive difference.

Take care out there, be nice to yourself and other people.

Rok On.
\m/

Hope Ocean & my literary debut

2010-06-07T08:33:00.001-07:00

I am very proud to let you all now that the amazing Lily Oak has been at it again and, with the help of many wonderful writers and a fantastic artist, has produced a fantastic book to help raise money to support those working to deal with the damage caused by the Gulf Of Mexico oil disaster.

The book is called Hope Ocean, and was put together and published in just 7 days (once she gets an idea there's no stopping Lily Oak.lol) and it features contributions from Jo Lynne Valerie, Lidia Tremblay, Melody Dempsey, Mary Muhammad, Kiki Howell, Lily Oak, Theresa C. Newbill, Helen Minto, Ami Blackwelder, Rob Bond, Samantha Lee and Chazz Upton and has beautiful Cover Art by Rob Bond.

(if your name is above and you would like me to add a hyperlink to your site just let me know :D )

This book is not only a fantastic project for an excellent cause but it also marks my print debut as it contains a poem I penned specially for the project!

I cannot tell you how much it means to me to have something I have written published along side work by such wonderfully creative souls.

It has helped dismiss so much of my self doubt in relation to my creativity and has vindicated my self belief.

So now that I've gushed about it get yourselves to Hedge-Witchery Books and order yourself a copy of Hope Ocean.

There is also a selection of other wonderful titles available from Hedge-Witchery Books that you may also be interested in - have a look, it's well worth it. :)

\m/

The Importance of You

2010-05-23T15:15:00.000-07:00

Have you ever considered how important you are?

To some this may seem like a daft question, they know how important they are, what they achieve and the difference they make.

To others this may seem like a daft question, but for different reasons.

Those people are thinking "me? important? Hardly. I don't feel important. I don't seem to make a difference and I rarely achieve anything".

I know what it feels like to be the second kind of person, I was one of them for a long time, and I know they are wrong.

Think for a moment about all the things that had to happen for you to be here.

I'm not just talking about the physical act of conception, I'm talking about the magic that needed to happen over a huge period of time (from the beginning of everything to that moment), the events that had to happen, the chance meetings, the acts of fate and destiny that had to conspire to bring that moment of conception to pass.

That alone makes YOU important.#

Now you need to consider that from the moment of conception how many opportunities has life had to end your existence? How many close shaves have their been? How many times have you stepped back onto the curb and narrowly avoided being knocked down? How many seemingly meaningless decisions have resulted in you avoiding potentially fatal events?

I bet that some of you reading this may not even be able to recall the numerous times that you've come close, if you are not inclined to look back on your life in an analytical way (and lets be honest we're all pretty busy and it's not in everyones nature to do so) then why you be able to. Being able to recall them is not the point.

What is important is that you realise that you have been close to being taken through the Veil to the other-side permanently but for reasons of fate have not been. This makes YOU important.

Everyone, and I mean everyone (whether they want to acknowledge it or not) is here because they are important. Not everyone can be a Hero, or Heroine, of great renown but we are all Heroes and Heroines (delete as appropriate) in our own ways.

This means that we are all important.

We might not always feel it, but it is always true none the less.

To someone (or probably to many) or somethings you are important.

You are also important to the magic of the universe to which you belong, as you are part of it, an essential part of it and therefore you are important.

So next time you feel insignificant remember that you are important, very important. It may not always be enough to make you smile but it will always be enough to raise your spirits and ease you fears.

\m/

An abject lesson in cycles

2010-05-19T12:13:00.000-07:00

It's easy to talk about life going in cycles when you're "up", when things are going right and the sun seems to always be shining.

Recently my life has been more down than up. But it has taught me a hard, yet needed lesson about the cycle of things.........

Sometimes life get's hard. Sometimes you can see it coming and brace yourself for it, other times it seems to come out of nowhere, either which way it happens and there is nothing you can do to avoid it.

And why would you want to?

Ok, fair enough, you'd want to avoid it because no-one really wants to go through pain and suffering (physical or mental) and certainly no-one wants to see their loved ones going through the same.

What I mean is, when you consider that life actually teaches us more about ourselves and the cycle of life during these times, after each of these times you know things will get better. And before they do you will find new reserves of strength and stamina ( both physical and mental) that will serve you well for the future.

Now when you in the mire and you're so far down you don't seem to be able to see the sun it can be hard to believe it (and I know, at times I can be such a sceptic about these things I'm almost ashamed of myself.lol) but it is true.

Just as sure as day follows night, the good will follow the bad.

Of course this also means that night follows day and that nothing ever lasts forever.

The trick is to enjoy every moment despite the knowledge that it is finite. Sounds hard doesn't it? Well, to be honest, I found it hard but it is possible. :)

Now I could end this article hoping that you'd believe the above without an example of the cycle of which I speak, but that wouldn't be fair would it?

So the example........

After three months of family troubles, with my job hanging in the balance and things being generally smeggy, thanks to a twist of fate and twitter I have been handed an opportunity to do something I have always wanted to do but never thought I'd get chance to do.

Thanks to Lily Oak I am on the list of writers at Hedge-Witchery Books and will be contributing to Incantation e-zine.

The list of writers at Hedge-Witchery Books is truly fantastic and to be amongst them is an honour.

Good times are ahead.

\m/

Common sense breaks out in the US?!?!?!?!

2010-05-13T14:43:00.000-07:00

Having read this I think that common sense might actually be breaking out in parts of the US.

Rather than just issue a statement condemning the new immigration laws passed in Arizona, Los Angeles City Council has officially boycotted Arizona.

This is great news.

The rules that Arizona have passed are a really hark back to fascist Europe. For crying out loud how on earth can any civilised group of people pass a law that encourages people to discriminate against others purely on how they look?!?!?!?!?!

I have to admit to have been holding back about writing about this but it is doing my tree in and it needs to be said.

The human race should be encouraging each other to see past our physical differences, regardless of what they may be - skin colour, inherited genetic features, disabilities, hair colour or any of the others that you can name - and to find the things that we have in common.

Our history shows that when people are encouraged by authority to view one particular group as negative it doesn't take long for incidents of hate and discrimination to rise and, if 'nurtured' by the powers that be, escalate to genocide.

There's a percentage of the human race that, when given the opportunity to legitimise there lust for violence, will take our their inner hate on those of which ever group they are allowed to target. The Jews found this out during World War 2 , the people of the Bosnia, Serbia and Croatia found it out and so have countless of groups of people throughout history.

The law that has been passed in Arizona and the people who passed it are one of two things (or maybe both):

i) ignorant of the history of the human race and the consequences of their actions.

ii) fueled by hate and distrust and guilty of racism.

I know that there are people all over the world that believe that group A are better human beings that group B but it is appalling that a country that carries out acts of war in the name of fairness and freedom would allow one of it's member states to pass a law that goes against those things so blatantly.

We, as intelligent, reasonably fair human beings (for after all we all have our likes and dislikes, our loves and our hates) should challenge this kind of covert fascist law making wherever it raises it's head.

And if you doubt you should then read this by Pastor Martin Niemoller (I first read it on the sleeve of Sepultura's "Refuse/Resist" single) and tell me that it pays to turn a blind eye because it's easy.

\m/

A walk with my Grandad...

2010-04-26T14:08:00.000-07:00

....or should that be one of my Grandads?

Firstly a bit of background. One of my Grandad's I knew, he was fantastic and I knew him well despite the few hundred miles that separated us until his death. My other Grandad I never knew (or at least never met) as he died years before my birth. Even though I never knew him I have always felt a connection with him. To say that they were and are both important influences on my life would be an understatement.

Anyway back to the walk.

Last night I went to bed and fell asleep in the much the way I do every night (or day when I'm on nights.lol) . Whilst asleep I dreamed. Nothing unusual there, I seem to be a "dreamer" but this one had a lot of residual echo when I woke.

Last night I took a walk with my Grandad, the one I mentioned second above. I know it was him. The man I walked with was like my Dad (who is alive and well btw) but not him. His aura was different but familiar, his voice different yet familiar. We walked on a street I didn't recognize but seemed to know. It was dark and misty but where we walked was lit, dimly yet clearly. We talked as we walked. Talked in the relaxed way old friends and close family do. Talked a lot. But I can only remember the bit where we talked about my current worries and troubles. The bit, in effect, I needed to.

When I woke I felt more than remembered the dream.

It's been a long time since I dreamed like that about anything and I've never been visited by an ancestor before.

Normally the residual echos are fuzzy, fast fading and hard to revisit, this time it wasn't.

I liked it.

To me my family has always extended beyond those I am directly related to by blood and also those I am separated from by death. It would appear they feel the same way. :)

For me this has been one of those moments where my personal outlook and beliefs have been vindicated.

It's a nice feeling.

Live well friends, be safe.

\m/

Update on the thing in my head.

2010-04-20T14:22:00.000-07:00

So as part of the ongoing management of my OCD, my Therapist has encouraged me to conduct regular reviews of "life" to see how I'm doing and help me get a clear picture of the flow of things.

Now as something of list maker this has never been a problem for me and whilst doing my regular monthly checks today it occurred to me that I've not blogged about how I'm doing with my condition.

Those who know me know that the last 5 years, since being formally diagnosed, have been a trial for me, and those around me.

There have been times where I've been going backwards rather than forward, where the darkness just wouldn't give way to even a shimmer of light and when the hill seemed too steep to climb.

Conversely there have also been times of unbridled triumph , where I basked in the light that sent to shadows scattering and when I've done nothing but gained momentum on my way down the other side of the hill.

Anyway today proved something of a milestone.

I had to attend quite a serious meeting at work today which involved me, several members of senior management and quite a large does of anxiety.

Now anxiety is something that I suffer with really bad. In the past it has been one of the main triggers for some of my worst episodes and up-turns in compulsive behavior(repetitive list writing, agonising over choices to name just two symptoms).

Anyway, over the last few days my daily anxiety levels have risen as the meeting approached but I've managed to keep it at bay. Yay! Even in the final hours leading up to the meeting I managed to keep my marbles in their bag, as it where.

How?

by monitoring my behaviour and not allowing the beginnings of "faulty thinking" to bloom into full blown all encompassing internal crisis's.
by remembering to breath......slowly. Simple but easy to forget when flapping.
practicing mindfulness.

I want to talk a little bit about mindfulness, as it's been something of a revelation for me. At first I didn't get it. When I was first introduced to it a few years ago at group therapy I couldn't get a working mental image to allow me to remove me from my thoughts and view the process from a position of calm detachment. Then,about 18 months ago, I was having a series of sessions with a student therapist called Madelaine. The subject of mindfulness, and my struggle with it, came up and she suggested a simple mental image to use that, for one reason or another, has worked for me. The image is this:

Before you is a series of boxes. In to each box goes a thought as it occurs to you, without you analysing it - just recognising it was a thought and putting it in the box. Once a box has a thought in it, it goes on to a conveyor belt. The conveyor belt winds its way to a hatch at the far end of the space before you. Once the box containing the thought goes through the hatch it is gone, it cannot come back. Other thoughts upon the same subject or emotion may occur, they may be identical but they are new thoughts.

Using this scenario/mechanism/ritual/strategy (call it what you will) it is amazing how quickly I can "get a grip" and calm down, effectively clearing my head and then "starting again" from a mindset I choose rather than the one created by reaction to my faulty thoughts.

It's worth mentioning at this point that there are as many of these scenario's as there are people, anything that works for the individual is fine - but the one above works for me. :)

Anyway back to today. The meeting went well and resulted in a positive outcome which I didn't fully believe it would but it did. Thank the Gods. :)

Not so long ago a meeting like this would have caused panic attacks and days (and sleepless nights) of obsessively compulsive acts.

I would like to think that this may help another who, reading this at a dark time, may see that there is hope of getting on top of things.

So in terms of review, things are going well. Not every day is easy and not every day do I succeed. But the difference between a lapse and a relapse are huge and a lapse can be coped with. Using the above methods I have found a way of living my life the way I want to, not the way that my OCD drives me to live.

There is hope.

You can win.

\m/

Science and Magic.

2010-04-20T03:01:00.000-07:00

Why does the existence of Science have to invalidate magic?

Just because some things that, in the past, have been explain by magical thinking have now been explained by science does not mean that it cancels it out. The way I look at it science and magic are part of the same thinking, and just because science cannot explain or measure some of the things possible by magic does not mean it does not exist. After all not so long ago (in terms of the existence of human kind) science said that the world was flat and that the Sun orbited the Earth not the other way round.

I'm not point scoring for either side here.

I believe in the qualities of both schools of thinking and have a world view that happily sits science and magic alongside each other. At times they compliment each other, other times they are at odds.

So just because you can't measure something with scientific equipment don't just dismiss it.

\m/

UK General Election 2010 - Interesting information.

2010-04-13T14:52:00.000-07:00

I know that there are many people in the UK who , on election day - 06/05/10, will not vote. They will justify their inaction by saying such things as "it makes no difference", "they're all the same" or "I'm not interesting in politics, it doesn't effect me" or something similar in that vien.

To these people I would like to make something known.

If, on election day, you attend your polling station and collect your ballot paper and, rather than making a deliberate mark in one of the boxes, do a nice scribble all over it, fold it up and post it into the ballot box - you're paper will be counted.

ALL SPOILED BALLOT PAPERS WILL BE COUNTED.

They are a PROTEST VOTE - a way of telling ALL the parties from the big 3 right down to the extremists that they do NOT speak for you, that they are not offering you the solutions you want and that things need to change!

Not voting tells them nothing and lets them do what they want.

If this years election is won by spoiled papers then it will really shake things up and will help start the ball rolling and get real change in this country.

I'm not going to try and tell you who to vote for but PLEASE vote or spoil you paper.

PLEASE USE THE VOICE THAT OUR FORFATHERS HAVE GIVEN US.

When life gives you lemons.....

2010-04-09T15:33:00.000-07:00

Life's given me a lot to muse over since the start of the year. I won't go into too much detail but between the drastic changes in my family's domestic life and the emotional upheaval that came with it and the changes I have seen in the lives of my friends has made me realize a few things.

There is no plan.

This whole idea of there being some great big master plan to all "this" is a myth. Things happen because they do - cause and effect. The universe began and the ball keeps rolling from there on.

We are not defined by what happens to us.

We are not defined by what happens to us. We are defined by how we deal with what happens to us. How we react and deal with an event in our lives, even the smallest of things, is the important thing. By looking at life from this point of view you can make the best of even the worst situation (although this can take some time - distance and perspective also have a big part to play).

Things do sometimes work out for the best.

On occasion, when the things you "wanted" to happen don't and you have to "settle" for something else, things can work out better than you expected. The trick appears to me to let fate take you were it will.

Family is not defined by blood.

Whilst it is true that blood is thicker than water, the last few months have taught me that blood ties can often mean less than those that are formed through friendship. From my point of view, there are people that I consider to be in my "family" that are not blood relations to me and there are also those who are blood relations of me that I do not consider part of my "family". I suppose really in place of family I should use Clan but as we are geographically separated Clan doesn't always feel like it fits to me.

Growing old sucks.

Now I don't write this from the point of view of someone who is old (I'm only in my 30's) but from the point of view of someone who has watched people who I care about, and who cared about me, grow old (I'm talking 70's, 80's old here) and be ravaged by life, have their spirit drained and left without any of the things that they cherished and work damn hard to hold dear. I'm all for living a long time and experiencing life for all it is but there comes a point where life turns around and well and truly bites you.

So then there's a few of my conclusions from one of the most eventful 3 months of my life.....

Rock on people.

\m/

Scopolamine - SCARY STUFF

2010-04-08T14:15:00.000-07:00

Scopolamine could possibly be one of the scariest drugs I have ever read about (and hope to never experience)........

VBS news have an article on it here.

Another informative article from www.biopsychiatry.com.

Basically Scopolamine suppresses the victims freewill and leaves then completely compliant with no memory of what they did/what happened once the stuff wears off.

Nasty, especially in the hands of the more sinister people of this world.

Be careful outhere people.

\m/

Why don't my glasses do this?

2010-04-07T10:10:00.000-07:00

Saw this and thought....why don't my glasses do this? After all I went to Specsavers.lol.

http://news.discovery.com/tech/enhanced-vision-sixth-sense.html

The idea of augmented reality is really cool but the way I see it is there are two possible flaws with it:

a) there is still a hit and miss nature to mobile internet coverage - which they would definitely need to utilize to get augmented reality into mobile devices (well duh! G talk about stating the obvious)

and

b) the cost. Advances in technology are rarely driven by anything other than someones desire for profit (after all neither Apple, Microsoft or Intel [ other technology companies are available] are exactly charitable non-profit organisations are they) and that means that there will always be a hefty price tag on new tech. The more companies involved in getting the service to the user the more expense to the user. It's going to be a while before the bundle becomes enough for people start to look upon it as a convenience rather than a luxury.

All that said.....I WANT ONE!

\m/

It's been a while.....

2010-04-06T12:55:00.000-07:00

Hello out there!

I know it's been a while since my last post 31/12/09 (seems like a lifetime ago) but I'm back and this is the beginning of a new surge in catherdingforbeginners activity.....(honest...no really...what do you mean I've said this before?!?!)

So then what shall I start with?

Well today the UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown announced the date for the next General Election.

On May 6th this year the nation will go to polls.

I'm not going to hammer on about it too much but I am going to say this.....

Please exercise your democratic right and vote

and

please vote responsibly (not for extremist, facist or communist parties).

Take care people.

\m/

The return

2009-12-31T04:13:00.000-08:00

I didn't realise how long is had been since my last post.

Hope you all have a good 2010 and more will follow - honest.

\m/

2009-08-13T06:34:00.000-07:00

I came across this on a Favourite quote thread on UKPagan and loved it. It's be Niel Gaiman and taken from American Gods:
"I can believe things that are true and I can believe things that aren't true and I can believe things where nobody knows if they're true or not. I can believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny and Marilyn Monroe and the Beatles and Elvis and Mister Ed. Listen–I believe that people are perfectible, that knowledge is infinite, that the world is run by secret banking cartels and is visited by aliens on a regular basis, nice ones who look like wrinkledy lemurs and bad ones who mutilate cattle and want our water and our women. I believe that the future sucks and I believe that the future rocks and I believe that one day White Buffalo Woman is going to come back and kick everyone's ass. I believe that all men are just overgrown boys with deep problems communicating and that the decline of good sex in America is coincident with the decline in drive-in movie theaters from state to state. I believe that all politicians are unprincipled crooks and I still believe that they are better than the alternative. I believe that California is going to sink into the sea when the big one comes, while Florida is going to dissolve into madness and alligators and toxic waste. I believe that antibacterial soap is destroying our resistance to dirt and disease so that one day we'll all be wiped out by the common cold like the Martians in War of The Worlds. I believe that the greatest poets of the last century were Edith Sitwell and Don Marquis, that jade is dried dragon sperm, and that thousands of years ago in a former life I was a one-armed Siberian shaman. I believe that mankind's destiny lies in the stars. I believe that candy really did taste better when I was a kid, that it's aerodynamically impossible for a bumblebee to fly, that light is a wave and a particle, that there's a cat in a box somewhere who's alive and dead at the same time (although if they don't ever open the box to feed it it'll eventually just be two different kinds of dead), and that there are stars in the universe billions of years older than the universe itself. I believe in a personal god who cares about me and worries and oversees everything I do. I believe in an impersonal god who set the universe in motion and went off to hang with her girlfriends and doesn't even know that I'm alive. I believe in an empty and godless universe of causal chaos, background noise, and sheer blind luck. I believe that anyone who says that sex is overrated just hasn't done it properly. I believe that anyone who claims to know what's going on will lie about the little things too. I believe in absolute honesty and sensible social lies too. I believe in a woman's right to choose, a baby's right to live, that while all human life is sacred there's nothing wrong with the death penalty if you can trust the legal system implicitly, and that no one but a moron would ever trust the legal system. I believe that life is a game, that life is a cruel joke, and that life is what happens when you're alive and that you might as well lie back and enjoy it."

Brilliant and apparently you can get it on a t-shirt.

\m/

Carl Rothwell

2009-08-04T03:44:00.000-07:00

You may have noticed a new blog in the list of blogs that I'm following.
This is for the artist Carl Rothwell, who I have become aware of thanks to geeks.co.uk.

I really like his style, very fluid and sharp. Check it out.

\m/

Book of death dates......

2009-07-29T09:25:00.000-07:00

This article here Would You look in the Book of Death Dates made me think, would I?

Would I want to know how many more sleeps there was until the end?

Would knowing free me or enslave me?

Think about it. Do you want a deadline for all those things that you might do?

We've all got things that we'll do "one day", be it learn a language, finish the DIY, write a novel or whatever it is that fills your idle dreams, would knowing the date of the end motivate you or make you feel that there wasn't enough time to do it in?

I suppose it depends on what you find out when you look and the kind of person you were.

So would I want to know?

I don't think I do want to know.

But would I be able resist looking? That's a different matter entirely.

\m/

Tamiflu - what they aren't making clear enough

2009-07-27T06:48:00.000-07:00

I know that most of the people who read my blog will know this but I'd thought I'd share this for the wider web community following a conversation with my doctor this morning (I have a nasty virus NOT swineflu just so you know and I never thought I had swineflu either).
Basically it is very easy to get a reference code for a dose of tamiflu (just ticking the right boxes on the online survey will get you one), but it only works on Swineflu (H1N1) if you have it when you take the Tamiflu - if you take it now and get Swineflu (H1N1) later on then you're not going to get any more Tamiflu (because you've had your allotted dose) and you'll be screwed because even if they give you Tamiflu then it won't work because you've had it once.

This is something that I don't think they are making clear enough to people at this moment in time.

Right then, I'm off back to my sick bed to listen to Slayer until I feel better.

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Random thoughts of a sleepy techie

2009-07-21T07:55:00.000-07:00

I finished nights 36hours ago and I'm still knackered...the things we do for those we love, eh?

So seeing a lack of sleep always does 'wonderful' things to my mind I thought I'd share some of my musings from the last 9 days with you.

i) is Einstein's theory of relativity the reason why 6 hours in bed only feels like 3?

ii) what do the bees know that we don't?

iii) why don't the met office employ cattle? After all they seem to have a better handle on the weather than us humans do.

iv) why do the self activating lights at work take longer to come on for some staff than for others?

v) am I the only bloke I know who thinks Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure & Bogus Journey are film classics?

vi) if the Greeks and the Egyptians had managed to master the idea of the steam railway then no-one would ever have heard of Nazareth's most famous son.

vii) Why doesn't Catholocism market the vampritic elements of it's religion to goth's - it might stop congregations shrinking.

vii)Having grown up in the late 70's/early 80's, being fed food full of additives and preservatives is it unreasonable to claim that not having them in food today is causing me to have withdrawls?

That'll do for now, I think, after all if there is anyone out there still reading this blog after they may want something a little saner after this.

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Disclaimer?

2009-07-06T02:23:00.000-07:00

So they have finally made 800 pages of the oldest surviving bible available on line (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/in_depth/8135415.stm).
Wouldn't it be ironic if one of the pages contained the disclaimer: " All characters in this book are purely fictional. Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead,is purely accidental".

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How do you judge your life?

2009-06-29T06:09:00.000-07:00

Here's an interesting question that occured to me the other day. Do you judge your life by the number of those you can hurt or the number of those you can help?
And who is the better person one who measures by the former or the one that measures by the latter?
From my point of view, the latter is always the better. After all, you may be able to hurt plenty of people but if your actions benefit only yourself then your life will be a lonely one. Alternatively if your actions, hurtful or otherwise, benefit more than just yourself then you will almost assuredly have a rich life of social interaction.
I think what I'm trying to say is that surely, where possible, it is better to help rather than to hurt (of course there are situations whereby you may have to hurt one to help many). This principle is one that we should encourage in our future generations, as it may be the only thing that saves the human race from a fight to the death that results in our extinction.

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A Recital Of An Unitdy Mind - Part 2

2009-06-13T08:34:00.000-07:00

Just a quick one to say how fantastic Helen was at this mornings recital!

I know that I'm a little biased, what with Helen being a lifelong friend of my other half, but she does have a fantastic mezzo-soprano voice and really deserves to have it heard by as many people as possible.
She sang some beautiful peices this morning and exceled herself once more.

If you ever see an operatic society peformance featuring the name Helen Anne Gregory then check it out. :0)

A Recital of an Untidy Mind

2009-06-12T04:10:00.000-07:00

So it's been a while since my last post (I seem to type that alot - lol) and I thought I'd drop a post in , but I'm not sure what to blog about.
Then I remembered that this Saturday (tomorrow for all those who struggle with what day of the week it is) Helen from Diary Of An Untidy Mind is performing a recital at St John the Evangelist, Hall Cliffe, Baildon, BD17 6ND. It start's at 10:30am and finishes around 11:30am.

Helen has an amazing voice and if you can get there to hear her then you won't be disappointed.

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Auditory Processing Disorder - Dyslexia for the ears.

2009-05-18T01:11:00.000-07:00

I have recently been diagnosed as having Auditory Processing Disorder (APD) and thought that seeing as it is a lesser known disability that I'd post about it.

Basically someone with Auditory Processing Disorder has no actual problem with their ears, they can have A1 hearing, but the problem is that their brain doesn't process the sound received by the ears. This is particularly the case with the sound of the voice.

In hindsight I can see that I have this all my life. It explains why I often hear someone talking but don't react to what they say, it explains why in loud enviroments I cannot hear what people say to me (lipreading is a skill I value massively), and it explains why I find it hard to follow long strings of verbal instructions.

If you would like more information on this APDUK.ORG are an excellent source of information.

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Why I hate generalisation......

2009-05-05T15:06:00.000-07:00

This..http://www.tdbimg.com/files/2009/04/30/-hsra-domestic-extremism-lexicon_165213935473.pdf
is the reason I hate generalisation.
I consider myself a Heathen, I share many of the same beliefs and Gods of the Norse/Astratu groups but I am NOT a racist, facist or a terrorist.
I know that governments are concerned with the safety of their populaces but the way that this document is worded leaves very little room for a peaceful law abiding Heathen to exist outside of the stereotype it creates.

I work with a devout Muslim, who dresses very 'traditionally' and takes his faith very seriously. The other day he was telling me how much he hates the extremists in his religion that have lead people to view those that dress like he does as terrorists.

At times like this, I know how he feels.

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Observations and events.

2009-04-12T14:21:00.000-07:00

Firstly I hope you all had a happy Easter/Zombie Jesus day (delete as appropriate).

Have you ever noticed that it only takes one thing to make a day noteworthy.

Without going into too many details, today went from being another Easter Sunday to being one that will remain in the memory of my family for a long time to come (for the right reasons lol).

I suppose what I am trying to say is that you never know what's coming next. You might think you know and there is high probability that some of the time you will be right. After all the human brain is capable of remembering the outcome of similar situations and formulating reasonably accurate predictions (although sometimes, looking around you, you really do wonder if everyone actually possesses this attribute). But NOBODY can tell the future. Wether it be 10 minute away of 10,000 years away nobody can do it. Anyone who thinks they do is deluded. Granted the nearer the event that you are prediciting the outcome of the easier it is to be right (for instance knowing that a rugby team that is 66-6 down with 2 minutes to go will lose is obvious) but it does not mean that you are gifted with some special insight into the future of the universe.
That is what makes life so special. You never know what is coming next. At times this makes things quite unnerving and yet at other times it makes things alot more bareable. That is why every moment and event should be appreciated. When things are good enjoy them being good because you know that it may not last long, alternatively when things are bad stick it out because you know that it will not always be that bad.

Anyway enough of that.
One last thing to mention before I finish. I would like to say a massive THANK YOU to the cast and crew of Red Dwarf: Back To Earth. It was very well done and some of the best TV I've watched in a long time. Cheers!

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Something that you don't see very often..

2009-03-09T03:14:00.000-07:00

I have long had an affinity for the Methodist Church, and I noticed this last month and meant to blog about it then but with one thing and another didn't get chance.

Some of you may have heard about Westboro Baptist Church (Kansas, USA)'s plan to picket a performance of the Laramie Project in Basingstoke (UK).
Now Westboro Baptist Church, to me, represent not only the worst element of organised religion but also the worse elements of humanity.
It was nice to see the Methodist Church of Great Britain along with Baptist Union of Great Britain, Evangelical AllianceUK, Faithworks, Theos: the public theology think tank and the United Reform Church all publicly speaking out in a joint statement against they group and their planned protest.

It is good to see that organizations that promote a religion that is based on Love and fellowship standing up and demonstrating it. A lot of noise is made by fundamentalist Christians about the wrongs of being homosexual and quite frankly that goes against the teachings of Christ.

When Jesus said '...Love thy neighbour...' he did not say 'love they heterosexual neighbour', nor did he add any other qualifier to the statement. Why? Because he meant just what he said, that regardless of who that neighbour is, what they do, what colour they are, who they sleep with, where they come from or any other difference you should love that person.

If the Christian faith spent less time in the public eye (are you listening Pope Benedict?) telling people what not to do and more time showing solidarity, fellowship, support, understanding and love towards the populace of the world then perhaps they would have more success and the public perception of them would alter for the better.

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Time For Change

2009-03-06T06:37:00.000-08:00

Did you know that 1 in 5 people have Dandruft?
Did you also know that 1 in 4 people have, or have had, mental health problems?

Recently the Time For Change campaign was started to help bring an end to mental health discrimination.
A better of understanding of mental health conditions amongst society would improve the life experiences of people suffering from them. One of the main problems faced by sufferers of mental health conditions is the feeling that they will face stigmatism or ridicule from other people, I know for a fact that is was a problem for me for a long time.

Please take a moment or two to have a look at the Time For Change website, it contains things that may well make you rethink your ideas about Mental Health conditions.

Music to get excited about.....

2009-02-17T10:56:00.000-08:00

On the 24-09-02 Lamb of God release "Wrath", their new album. Having heard the track "Contractor" on the recent cover disk from Metal Hammer, I can honestly say that I can't wait to get my hands on it.
If it is anywhere near as good as Sacrement was then it'll be another album that won't be leaving my player for a long time.

Something else to look forward to this year is the release of "Pray For Villains", the new album by Devildriver. I'm a commited Devildriver fan, having seen them live on two occasions now, and their albums keep improving with every release so I can't wait for this. It should be out this summer on Roadrunner.

I love music and it's ability to change a moment, enhance a moment and speak the emotions of the soul mean it is more special to me than most things. Heavy Metal has always, and will always, have a special place in my soul.

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Belief-o-matic!

2009-02-13T11:31:00.000-08:00

I was having a little browse of the web today and found this :

Belief-o-matic at Beliefnet.com

Now how seriously you take the results of doing this is up to you but it made me smile (the disclaimer at the start is worthy of a read if nothing else) and got it pretty spot on.

So you're probably thinking why was I looking at Beliefnet? Well I have long had an interest in the roots of faith and religion, though I have to be careful with how far I get into it because I suffer from the OCD subcondition called Scrupoulosity. And having been laid up recovering from an operation I have plenty of thinking time, and I've managed to make it healthy thinking time as well (which those with OCD will be able to relate to). So there was me mooching around various sites and I chanced upon Beliefnet. Seems a cool site may be worth a look, if you're interested in that sort of thing.

Rok on
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The ongoing quest.....

2009-01-25T14:30:00.000-08:00

the quest to find the slipknot phone call is not going well, but I will not be beaten.....it's got to be out there somewhere..........

Mark&Lard's phone call to Slipknot - the search continues

2009-01-19T15:49:00.000-08:00

I have embarked on a quest. One that is fraught with frustration and probably doomed to failure but, hey ho, here we go.........

Back at the turn of the century, when Mark and Lard did afternoons on Radio 1 they made a spoof call to Slipknot. The resulting comedy included the imortal line "Oh Clown" in the campest accent ever and was so funny it nearly caused me and the guy I was working with that day, Paul, to crash the van!

My quest is a simple one. To find a clip of that sketch so we can relive our near death experience on the roads around Sowerby Bridge!

Can you help?
So far my googling has produced nothing of merit......

The search goes on.......

Secret Girl Lessons

2009-01-06T04:55:00.000-08:00

As a male of the species have you ever found yourself wondering where girls get the seemingly endless wealth of skills and knowledge that only they seem to know that enables them to gain the upper hand is 90% of situations?

Needless to say, I have. And recently a friend of mine suggested that this could be down to "Special Girl Lessons" given to girls as they approach maturity. Now this got me thinking, when would these lessons have been held without our (the lads) knowledge?

Having given this much thought I think I may have struck upon the answer.
It must have been at a time when we (the boys) were distracted by something important (sports or blowing things up) so that we wouldn't notice them (the girls) getting something we weren't. Also it would have had to be disguised as a practice that was so dull to the male mind that any boy who did happen to notice would have no interest in wandering over and joining in.
What, I hear you ask, could this be?

NETBALL!

Sounds ridiculous?
Well just stop and think about it.
In Netball you have a sport that involves a lot of standing around (plenty of time for passing on knowledge) and is fundamentally none contact (and therefore completely goes against the full contact, destructive nature of adolescent boys).
So whilst we were all kicking each other in games lessons, the girls were on the netball courts pretending to play netball whilst the Special Girl Instructor (disguised as a PE Teacher) was passing on the secrets to being an effective female in adult life!
That's why they always seem to have the advantage!

Of course if you were to enquire with one of the fairer sex about this they will deny it completely, after all they wouldn't want the secret to get out and have future generations miss out on having the upper hand, but this wall of silence and denial could be taken as proof.

'nuff said.

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The 2008 Thanks list.

2008-12-27T08:00:00.000-08:00

Thanks to.....

the random fluctuations in the time space continuum, Ina, Debbie, Jason, Ruth and Madelaine for the ongoing help with my OCD and depression, Dr. Dixon for constantly proving the Docs are alright and Dr. V for all his help. Emma for the Welsh lessons and the bara brith, Carl for the leaving kebab and a nickname that's stuck, CGP for keeping the spirit of Yurgen, the rest of the ITSD for being a really good group of guys'n'gals. Slayer for moving the Unholy Alliance gig to the Apollo - one of THE greatest gigs of my life -, The Defenders Of The Faith bands, Trivium for Shogun, Metallica for Death Magnetic and proving me right, Machine Head for just being, and all the other bands that have touched my soul this year. James Gill for the blog comment of the year, Yoda for being the most reliably straight forward blokes I've ever met, Simon for the best parting email I have ever read, Big Bad Bob for all the techie assistance, Robin for making me feel daft and short, Jan for an abject lesson in patience and understanding, John for showing everyone around him the value of the little things and the fragility of life, Nonny for a demonstration in forgiveness, Nikki for providing the glamour to the clan, Jonathan, Mark and Carol for simply being cool, and all my extended family who deserve a mention (and even those that don't). Helen, Andy and Chilli for proving there are some good things west of the Pennines, Mark (3 ones), Dannea, Bailey, Shea and ? - an old friend and three(soon to be four) new ones that came out of nowhere but feel like they've been around forever -, Tom and Dez for being two of the few that really count. Nikki for being a daft dawg and Dixy, Smirnoff and Tigz for simply being themselves.
and last but far from least.....

Owen and Morgan

for being a source of constant pride, amazement and joy

and

for loving me the way she does.

xXx

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It's been a while....

2008-12-02T15:12:00.000-08:00

So here we are at the beginning of the last month of 2008, this year appears to have flown by - dunno why, just does (I know that some people have theories about time going quicker as we age but I'm not sure I buy into that).

Life is an interesting thing, just when you seem to have settled things into a predictable order, then out of the blue comes an old friend or a new aquaintance that changes things again. Not that there is anything wrong with that, it's what makes life what it is. I consider myself lucky to have the people that I do around me and to have the friends both old and new that I have. If a persons worth is to be judged by those he calls friend then I am indeed a rich man.

One thing that life has shown me in the last month is that, though you do have to grow old - you don't have to grow up! As long as you are happy and doing no harm then why should you? I intend to be this passionate about the things I enjoy in 40 years time nevermind at this stage of my life. I have wasted alot of my life so far, concerned with what I 'should' be doing and not with what I want to be doing. An old indian proverb says that " do what makes you happy and you will always do well". I think that's very true.

Embrace the uncertainty of tomorrow with open arms and let the river flow carry you where it may, for change is truly life's only constant.

Rememberence

2008-11-11T14:08:00.000-08:00

They shall not grow old,as we who are left grow old.

Age shall not weary them nor the years condemn.

At the going down of the sun and in the morning,

We will remember them.

Honest Blogger Award

2008-11-07T14:04:00.000-08:00

I've been awarded a blogging award (who'd a thunk it!) from Helen at Diary of an Untidy Mind.

Here are the rules of what to do with this award, and then the list of 10 honest things about me.

“When you receive the prize you must write a post showing it, together with the name of who has given it to you, and link them back.Choose a minimum of 7 blogs (or more) that you find brilliant in their content or design.Show their names and links and leave them a comment informing they were prized with ‘Honest Weblog’.Show a picture of those who awarded you and those you give the prize (optional).List [if you can and/or dare] at least ten honest things about yourself. And then, pass it on.”

I have a slight problem doing the noms as I only follow Helen's blog at the minute and not many of my friends / people I come into contact with blog so I'll have to agree to nominate these people as I come across them - I will add the details as comments on this post.

Honest Things About Me
1. I have Obsessional Compulsive Disorder and suffer from Depression. I have both of these all my adult life (and a bit longer). I take good med's that keep both aspects under good control and, these, combined with things I learnt from some excellent group therapy earlier this year, allow me to have a good quality of life. Without them there would not be a me.
2. I am soppy. I love a happy ending, I'm unashamedly in love with my wife, I adore my kids (though they're gits sometimes!?!) and think the lost causes are the ones that deserve the most support. I always the one cheering for the underdog.
3. I am completely at ease with the prospect of dying. My death does not bother me but the impact of it on those I love does. That said, I'm in absolutely no rush to do so.
4. I get on better with animals than I do other human beings, and at times I can be very misanthropic.
5. You're either my friend or you're not. If I care about you then I will do anything for you, I'll be loyal to the death and I will share my life with you. If not, then I won't, it's as simple as that.
6. I hate the term Normal. The sooner we realise that there is no such fecking thing then the world might just start being a better place, and a lot of people will start to feel a hell of a lot better about themselves, and other people.
7. I struggle to cry, but when I do it's sometimes quite spectacular. I'm a very emotional person but crying is something I rarely do, I just don't seem natural predisposed to it...go figure?!?
8. I am a frustrated writer with an inferiority complex. I love to write but hate people seeing my stuff.
9. I believe in fate, but not predestination, and the interconnectedness of all things. I think we control where we're going but somethings happen because they are meant to, not because of any great plan, just because they have to due to cause&effect. I do NOT believe that there is a grand plan or a reason for living.
10. I collect quotes, motto's, idioms, slogans, proverbs and anecdotes. I love them, and there is a lot of wisdom in them.
11. I am fascinated by things that I am not intellectually able to fully grasp. Chaos Theory, Particle Physics, Biology, space travel, computer programming, the full spectrum of human languages, psychology and guitar playing are just a few examples.

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That nearly Slayer feeling......

2008-10-25T11:05:00.000-07:00

in less than 48 hours I will be at what promises to be one of the best gigs I have ever been to.

On Monday Slayer, Trivium, Mastodon and Amon Amarth play the Manchester Apollo on the Unholy Alliance Tour and I absolutly can't wait!

I have this thing about ticking life boxes.
To explain, there are some things that I would like to do before I cross over to the otherside - some are achievable others are dreams - and when I experience one of these things I put a metaphorical tick against it on the list. Some of the best of these are the ones that happen and then you realise they are on your list. But the absolute best ones are those that occur because of the love and care of those who love you and care about you.
I am really lucky.
Despite being a nutcase and more than a little bit strange I have a good group of family and friends that love and care about me, regardless of my OCD, my bad habits and self doubt.

Thank you - you know who you are.

Without you people I would never get these "nearly Slayer" feelings.

YOU ROK!

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Yubnub - What is it?

2008-10-22T11:07:00.000-07:00

Yubnub is a social command line for the web.

Basically is allows you to use short commands to perform actions, such as a google search, via a simple command line interface.

For example if you type g mushroom into the yubnub command line it will take you to google search results for mushroom without you having to go to the google homepage.

Yubnub works on many applications and websites and looks pretty cool - I've not had a chance to bo much with it yet so can't really comment.

Check out the Most Used Commands on this link.

And the Golden Eggs are those voted most useful.

Check it out and see what you think!

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Missing the point

2008-10-17T02:15:00.000-07:00

Just read this on the Ed's Blog at Scrum of the Earth.

Does this stir the same feelings in you as a Swastika?

Now I know that I'm not a black South African but this seems to be good intentioned people missing the point (and the bigger issue).
As the Blog states it predates appartheid by quite a long time and the symbol that some want to change to represents the division of that regime more than the Bok does - ironic? I think so.

As Ed has said in his blog, the people of the SARU. the players and the fans should be asked and the decision should be made based on the results.

Personally I think it would be a great shame to lose such an iconic symbol from the rugby world, I'm not someone who experienced apartheid, but to me it represnts the values of strength, speed and agility that you would hope the team would play with, regardless of race, creed or colour.

IMHO,there are deeper problems in the South African society that will not be solved by changing the badge on a rugby shirt.

Rant over.

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Techie quiz

2008-10-15T13:49:00.000-07:00

Think you know you old computer hardware?

Then this is the quiz for you!
It's from the BBC weekly "magazine" bit of their website - proper nostalgia trip, rubber keys'n'all!

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Sad loss.

2008-10-14T04:33:00.000-07:00

Wakefield Wildcats (and former Bradford Bulls) prop forward Adam Watene died suddenly and unexpectedly yesterday.
The BBC Sport article is here.

He was only 31 years old, and is survived by his Wife and their two children.

My deepest sympathy and condolences to them at what must be a terrible time.

Chinese Horoscope system

2008-10-08T14:39:00.000-07:00

It's been a while and for that I apologise - I'm just hopeless! :-)

Whilst mooching around the web I found this link.
It's for a site that explains how the Chinese Horoscope system works and calculates your sign - fun and informative.

A Fire Dragon am I! The description isn't that far out either.

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One of the coolest cats I have ever seen..........

2008-09-30T14:34:00.000-07:00

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/aug/20/usa.animalbehaviour

The above link contains what is possibly the coolest cat in the world!

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On a serious note

2008-09-20T14:09:00.000-07:00

Today we found out that Nick, one of the Dad's from the football team, had been taken in hospital yesterday following a heartattack caused by an infection.
The good news is that he is doing ok but just wanted to say get well soon mate!

2008-09-19T05:57:00.000-07:00

A really quick post this as time is short........

I have sorted out the spam I was having on gaz.simplymega.com so that blog is now going to run in tandem with this one, different content though, so have a look sometime.

Until next time.... remember,
Mankind domesticated the dogs but the cats domesticated mankind!

Welcome......

2008-09-17T13:53:00.000-07:00

For those who have followed from gaz.simplymega.com - thanks for following me, the entries will be more frequent...honest.
For those who are new - HELLO!

So why the name?
Well, it's a phrase that I've heard in a number of places over time (and on these cool t-shirts from ukpagan.com) and for me it pretty much sums up what it's like trying to live life, be a Husband and a Dad worthy of the wonderful people in my life and have OCD in a world that never standstill and rarely slows down.

I hope you enjoy reading what I'm going to be posting here from now on and welcome any contributions and comments.

Make Toast Not War!

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